It's that time of the month....

...I'm talking about the shared list of course!

The shared list for China special needs children waiting to be adopted came out on Monday night. It is always a week of emotion in the China special needs adoption community. So many parents waiting for their child, perfect to them in every way. When the matches are made, some are ecstatic, others cautiously optimistic, while others are grieving a loss because the match made was not their child. I've been in the latter two situations, and it's an emotional roller coaster. Of course we were happy when we matched with Ty, but we were coming off of a match that was not our son, so it was bittersweet. And after a few months of considering pulling our LOI, when we finally decided he was our son no matter what, then we started celebrating and getting excited!

So congratulations to all who were matched this week! It is such a fun, exciting, and scary time for sure. The unknowns can be very nerve racking indeed. But the cool part is, God is our Father, and if you lean on Him, and I mean press in and just let him wrap you in his arms, he will comfort you every step of the way. I have talked in depth on this blog about my rounds with God during our wait, needing clarity, not getting a response, and stepping out in faith and obedience. At many points, I didn't want to hear about God's perfect timing. But oh boy...when he reveals all to you, and you see His perfect timing and His perfect will being done, it will knock your socks off and you will be amazed!

And on a side note, we are all on the mend from whatever bug hit us this week. I am down to just a cold.

Friday Ty had speech therapy after school, and then my kiddos were ready for a trip to the park!


I hope you're enjoying your weekend!

Ni Hao!

What a week it's been! First, here's our adorable little man waiting to hunt for Easter eggs at our local Easter Egg hunt near our house. It's always a small one, but so much fun! It only goes to age 8, so no hunting for our Diva this year, as she is now 9. She ran the video camera instead.



And then on Monday night, something happened. I started not feeling so great. Tuesday morning, none of us felt well, and I muddled through the day--barely. Dan called me at 2:45 to say that he was so sick he couldn't take care of Ty and I had to get home right away, and I left when school got out. I took more meds, and I carted Kacie back to piano lessons, and when I got home, I got hit by a Mac truck. Leveled Out! Kacie actually put Ty in his PJs and put him to bed. If I haven't mentioned how amazing she is, believe me, she is amazing!

I stayed home from work yesterday with flu-like symptoms, and Dan stayed home from work, and Kacie also stayed home sick. But Ty? Well, he's fine! In fact, I came out of my room to find him sitting in the living room eating cereal from the box...what a perfect lunch!

Today we're not 100%, but we're going to all try school/work. Wish us luck, and pray that Ty isn't next!

Keeping it real: I'm afraid of tiny babies

I do great with babies 6 months and older. Sometimes I can even hold a 4 month old. But if you have a baby, and I see it, I will enjoy from a distance. Now if you are a family member or close friend, yes, of course I will hold your baby. But everyone else, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to stand in line for a glimpse, and forget about holding--not happening.

Why am I this way? You'd never guess it. I love children, I love people, and I have a huge heart. I wasn't always this way...many of my friends had babies and I always to see them and hold them.

I think this is why. Behind this half-fake smile is one very scared young mommy.


Kacie was born at 35 weeks, a whopping 6lbs 9oz; but her insides were very preemie. Lungs were not open = RDS: Respirtory Distress Syndrome; stopped breathing twice; Possible Sepsis, Jaundice, not maintaining body temp, unable to feed. IVs in her head, hands, feet. Wires and tubes going everywhere--not the welcome I had expected my daughter to have as she entered the world. My water broke unexpectedly, and I asked over and over, "What did I do to this sweet baby?" The answer, of course, is nothing.

And then after trying to conceive for a year to have a second child, we learned it was probably not going to happen. I was upset, of course, but mainly because I don't like being told what I can and can't do. But when I found out we'd be adopting a toddler, inside I was jumping for joy. I wouldn't have to do "the baby thing". Of course I wish we could keep Ty little, and of course I wish we had Ty since birth birth.

So about 8.5 years later, I had this experience: Ty's palate surgery. This is just after surgery in our room. The surgeon had already cut the thread from his tongue to his cheek because Ty was doing so well.


Was I nervous going into this palate surgery? What mom wouldn't be. But if I had to compare the two situations, the latter was not even close to the event of my daughter's birth. It's one thing to be worried about your child's surgery: what if doesn't take, what if there's complications, and of course there is always the possibility of death. I am not trying to downplay that. But in for my experience, I can say almost losing a baby is much scarier than a palate surgery.

And so I started thinking, maybe that's why I'm afraid of babies. My experience was atypical, and it did take me about 4 months to really connect and attach to Kacie. But what is so amazing is how God uses one experience to ready you for another.

When Ty woke up from his recovery, he screamed for me. They told me I would not be able to go back, but somehow I know they'd be calling me. Mom's intuition played out to be true. When I went to recovery, all of my daughter's hospital experiences came back to me. I could read the monitors. I recognized the buzzers and beeps and quickly learned which ones were important and which ones weren't. I fell quickly into hospital mode, and I knew what to ask the nurses and when.

God prepared me for this moment. After God saved my baby girl, I had a new trust and faith in Him like never before. And then after our waiting and waiting for Tyson, God stretched my faith even more. I still look back on that and think WOW...God knew that I could get through my daughter's prematurity so that I could handle the surgeries to come with our son.

Now look at them: Here's my preemie baby girl, almost 10 years later.


And here's Ty, hair spiked and ready for school, posing for the camera.


I think it's quite obvious where my fear of babies comes from, which really isn't a fear at all. Tiny babies take me back to one of the hardest times of my life, which is why when they are bigger, I can hold them. And maybe someday I'll get over my "fear" of babies. But until then, I'll just enjoy the kids God gave me!

Anxiety? There's a thought...

Sorry, I have no new pics of Ty to share this week, but I have this fabulous photo of my beautiful daughter running the base path during opening ceremonies for fast pitch today! They also had a game and won 6-3, making them 1-0. Kace was up to bat twice, and she had one hit and made it home. She hit the ball the other time but it popped up and was caught. We are very happy that she had a good game.


As for Tyson, I have been trying for a long time to pin point something to describe him. At one time I called it "Anxious Attachment", but now, I think it's simply anxiety. This week we had a few episodes that we haven't had in awhile, times when he is revved up beyond belief and can't bring himself down. Total overreactions over things that don't go his way. Many people say, "Well my child did that too..." and then I think, well, maybe it's typical.

Then I read an article today, and it changed my thinking. It was published in March 2011, so very recent. Here is part of the summary of the findings:

Dr. Tottenham summarized her key findings:

Early postnatal adversity is associated with atypically large and
hyperreactive amygdala during childhood, poor self-regulation in emotional
contexts, and neural bias toward emotionally and away form
perceptuo-cognitive processing;

The amygdala is a long-term mediator of early postnatal adversity and later
behavior that governs social, emotional, and sleep behavior; and

The amygdala and its associated emotional development may be especially
vulnerable to early-life stress.

I have read many adoption books on the early stresses of life and how it impacts brain development and the fight or flight response. But this article really sunk in, explaining the parts of the brain affected. It also states how as a species we expect to be cared for in our early stages of life; but in an orphanage, that constant care from a consistent caregiver just isn't there.

Some think that Ty should be "acclimated" by now. To that I say that he spent 2 months with parents (we assume) then 2 years in an orphanage, only then to have his world turned upside down. Take those changes and add institutional living, and you have a recipe for major anxiety.

Proof of this still exists all the time. Change in routine, unexpected things, and strangers also set him off. So that is the new angle I'm examining--anxiety. Maybe by taking this angle I can try some new interventions at home that will help reprogram his brain. I had been making some good progress, but obviously I have slacked off because those behaviors are resurfacing.

If anyone out there in bloggy world has suggestions for interventions at home that might be of help, I'm open to suggestions.

Real Face Friday--Intro and Weekend fun!

I enjoyed visiting the participating blogs last week of "The Real Face of Special Needs" and I met so many new people! So here's the quick version of Tyson's story.

Ty came home in Aug. 2009 from an orphanage in Changzhou, Jiangsu China, and he was 26 months old with a repaired cleft lip and unrepaired palate. His palate was repaired in Dec. 09 with us, and since then it has been speech therapy and preschool speech therapy to get him caught up to his peers. Tyson also has a micorform cleft, so even though most people would consider his cleft a unilateral complete cleft, our surgeon calls his cleft a bilateral cleft because the red mark on the right is not a surgery scar; it's a second cleft. He has had two sets of ear tubes as well.

Tyson came home very underweight, below the charts on height and weight, and he had just made it on the head circumference chart. This was stressful as we waited to travel, but we prayed that he would be healthy. He qualified as developmentally delayed upon arriving home in speech, gross motor skills, and adaptive skills (self-help). In 9 months home, although still low two areas, he tested out of gross motor and adaptive delays! He is now in developmental preschool for speech and goes to private speech therapy.

For us, this "special need" has been a non-issue, but once in awhile, something creeps up and reminds you that you are dealing with something beyond the norm. Maybe it's another child making fun of Tyson's second cleft. Maybe it's an adult who can't figure out why he doesn't talk like a kid who is going on 4 in a few months. Maybe it's that cleft team reminder. Or it can be adoption issues in general, like insecure attachment or the fact that emotionally he can be more like a 2 year old.

But all in all, he's just Tyson, an energetic soul who is "all boy" all the time!

Last week over spring break we went to the Science Center and visited the Space Needle, which was Ty's favorite part of the trip.

Have a great weekend!


Jerking back after touching a cockroach...ewwww!


Visiting the "Star Wars" exhibit at the Science Center.

The Real Face of Special Needs--Friday

I'm posting this picture in honor of opening day for our Mariners! This picture is from June 2010.


I am going to try to do a post every Friday that will highlight what it's like raising a son with special needs, pictures included. But for now, no new pictures because we left our camera in a hotel room today, so no SD card :(

Like all little kids, Ty likes to climb furniture, and we tell him no, and he does it anyway. Tonight, Ty fell off the arm of the chair and whacked his head on the tile fireplace hearth. The immediate goose egg scared the @#%& out of us! We iced it and called the doctor, and all is well. So yes, parenting a child with special needs on most days is just like parenting any other child. As Ty's speech improves and he continues to catch up developmentally, I don't even think about his special needs as much as I used to.

I got a phone call earlier this week: "Your son has cleft team appointments coming up, and he needs to be seen by 5 doctors/specialists." That's the call that brings me back to reality, that most days Ty is like other kids for the most part--cute, funny, and loud! But he also has a cleft lip and palate that, even though it's repaired, will require many more appointments and surgeries. Those appointments will be June 27th, after school is out.

So since my camera is in Seattle, here are some of my favorite pics from the past--the many faces of Tyson.

Ty in Guangzhou, 26 months, Aug. 09; 22 lbs



Here is the face I will love the rest of my life. Dec. 2010, 3.5 years old, almost 40lbs.


Ha! Now I have the button! :)

Full Swing into Spring!

...and here's Ty, along for the ride with his slick new haircut. This picture is from last weekend at the batting cage. He's looking so grown up! Kacie is in the background. I can't believe that next year, Ty can actually play T-ball! He isn't ready this year for sure, and he missed the deadline by about 2 months. So next year he'll be closer to 5 and hopefully ready to play. As for Kacie, she's having a great time, hitting the ball hard, and working on her throwing. She improves every practice.

I just finished my parent-teacher conferences, and now it's spring break, and it's supposed to rain everyday. I miss the days of spring break being the first week of April because where I live, March does not go out like a lamb. Kacie had a great conference--what a writer! We're very proud of her. Tyson is moving on to the phrase and sentence level with speech rather than just individual words, so good progress there too.

I am dreading filing my taxes. I've been reading on RQ the paperwork nightmares. So here's what I am going to do. When the IRS says to send one of these things (I can't remember, but the word "or" is in there, indicating one of the three), I'm sending them all. I'm also sending receipts because that is another thing people are being asked to submit. I didn't have to do ANY of this last year. This will be the last of the adoption tax credit that we can use, so next year it will be back to normal with taxes.

Enjoy the weekend! I plan to consume a lot coffee and hang out with my kiddos.

Advocating? Baby Boy, CL/CP

I've never "advocated" before, and I'm not even sure if this is really advocating because truly, I know nothing about this little guy. I've never seen his file, only a picture. And let me tell you, he is adorable!

I am on a yahoo group that advocates for kids with sn from China. This little boy, DOB 5-20-2010 is on CCAI's agency specific list (There are 2 pictures of him on their site). This is about the youngest boy I've seen. The picture shows a severe bilateral cleft lip and palate. He has the most beautiful eyes, and as we know, cleft lip/palate is correctable.

Correctable, yes. Minor? No.

This need can be expensive at first, lots of medical co-pays and surgeries. It's also a lot of time with surgeries and therapies. BUT...if you believe like I do, that God will provide the finances, then this could be your son. I also know that I am a working mom, and I make it work. My husband and I coordinate trips to doctors and speech, as well as preschool pick ups, and we are able to provide the best care for our son.


Could there be more in his file other than cl/cp? Yes. I don't have that info. But what I do know is that if I was in the position to adopt again, I'd be certainly reading his file!

So if you know someone out there who is looking to adopt a little boy with CL/CP, here is a little guy who needs a home. (I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post his picture...I'll look into it).

How lucky we are!

I don't get too deep in thought about Ty's adoption as much as I used to. It probably has something to do with an active daughter and 31 sixth graders...I just breathe when I can! But I do wish I knew more about his lip surgery. I don't know who paid for it, just that it was done in Changzhou when he was about 10 months old. My guess is that China's Tomorrow Plan paid for it, based on some research I did, but I'll never know. This picture above was taken about a week before his cleft lip repair.

Dan and I were praying about whether to adopt again or not, and clearly, we are not ready. But...if we were ready, I found a little boy who melted my heart. I saw him on a yahoo group I visit once in awhile, a round faced baby boy I think around a year old, beautiful eyes, smooth skin, and a super wide cleft lip/palate--bilateral. Ooooohhh, I could just cuddle him and bring him home.

But then I think of the realities. The waiting, that excruciating waiting. Then the worries of three kids and working full time (more than full time these days as a teacher), and I realize I'm not ready. Furthermore, with the economy the way is, Dan and I are just both thankful for jobs, knowing that the days of our highest salaries and pay are gone. But the biggest thing is...Tyson.

When it comes to his cleft, we got lucky.

Lucky, that his palate surgery was successful and no fistulas developed.
Lucky, that his speech improves every month. Slowly, but it is improving.
Lucky, that he meets milestones in his own time, but he does meet them.
Lucky, that he had no major undisclosed special needs.
Lucky, that even with two sets of ear tubes, his hearing is now normal.
But most of all, Lucky that we chose Tyson! (Although, I will give God the credit because we almost pulled our LOI...that thought makes me sick to my stomach.)

So could I chance it all again, being 2 hours from a cleft team and lots of time off, knowing that Ty will have more surgeries in the future? (People think we're done...not even close!) I could, absolutely. But right now, it's not in the cards.

So we'll just continue to keep doing what we're doing...going 100mph and loving it!

The picture below was taken on one of those nights where we didn't have time to go home and come back into town for activities. We were at McDonalds to eat our dinner of champions, and I got the straws and ketchup ready. Tyson couldn't wait! He is sipping the ketchup through the straw, which means his palate is strong enough not only to use a straw, but to suck something thick like ketchup through the straw! It is one of those things that most parents think is really cute and funny (which I do too), but it's also a celebration of those little miracles when you have a child born with cleft lip/palate.



Drinking ketchup through a straw....one thing's for sure: there is never a dull moment with Tyson around!

Here on the coast...

...we have tsunami warnings this morning.

My school is a bit inland but we are on a river that will flood our town, possibly. My home is safe (I live out of town and above the river), but my school district is running two hours late. My school is actually up a hill and it's a tsunami gathering area.

Ty's daycare in in the flood plain near the river. I don't think it will be a major flood, but I am concerned. In about 20 minutes I'll know if daycare is even open. I am only 5 blocks up the hill from it, so I'm not too concerned, but just waiting to see what to do today.

The good news is that our town has actually been recognized as a model tsunami-ready area. I know we are prepared, but it's still scary. I'm hoping it won't be a big deal, but if you don't treat it seriously, and then something does happen, who is the fool? Exactly.

These moms chose to do what???

So it's been a "stay at home Saturday" for the kids and me. We cleaned up the yard, and Kacie and Ty took some practice swings--don't worry, it's all plastic! Kacie is just working on her batting form, and if Ty is out, we do not use metal bats :)

So here are two stories I read today that have left me thinking, "What the heck?" and scratching my head.

The first story is about moms who choose to leave their children to pursue their own happiness. Here's the link: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-opposite-of-a-tiger-mother-leaving-your-children-behind-2460982/ They justify it in many ways, saying "I was there for my kids" blah blah blah. Here's one story:

Ten years ago, when her sons were 5 and 3, Rizzuto received a fellowship to spend six months in Japan, researching a book about the survivors of Hiroshima. Four months in, when her children came to visit, she had an epiphany: She didn't want to be a full-time mother anymore. When she returned to New York, she ended her 20-year marriage and chose not to be her kids' custodial parent.

Now, Rizzuto is an author and a faculty member at Goddard College in Vermont, where she teaches in creative writing. Her boys are teenagers—and, she says, they're fine. In fact, their relationship not only survived her leaving, but "has improved."

"I had to leave my children to find them," she writes in an essay at Salon.com. "In my part-time motherhood, I get concentrated blocks of time when I can be that 1950s mother we idealize who was waiting in an apron with fresh cookies when we got off the school bus and wasn't too busy for anything we needed until we went to bed. I go to every parent-teacher conference; I am there for performances and baseball games."

You had to leave your children to find them? No, you felt better being away from your kids and more fulfilled as career woman, so you chose your career, and you have found a way to justify it by basically saying "When I'm with them, I can give them what they need, and I do attend their functions to show my support." So I would ask her...Who is driving your kids to school everyday, ensuring they do their homework, taking them to practices for performances and games? I'm sorry...you don't get to show up for the good things and say that leaving was a good thing.

Here's another quote from the article from another woman:

"I have been a mother since I was 20," she points out. "I did not have the life a normal 20 year old would have. While I don't regret that, I knew that I now have the opportunity to reconnect with who I might have been then, but with all the tools and skill sets I have learned through motherhood. I have the unique opportunity most women don't get to have, of being able to truly create the life I wish to have, do something in the world that makes a difference, and model this kind of independence for my children."‬

Did I read that right? You leave your kids (she moved 3,000 miles away) to model independence for your children, and I as a reader am supposed to applaud you for "finding yourself"? Now I know we could go in the "Dad" direction and talk about all the dads who choose to parent in this fashion, but that's for another day, another post.

I have been struggling lately with balancing family life and work life. I feel like I do neither very well, and I even told Dan the other night I could just use about 2-3 days to myself to just recharge my batteries. I find that I am exhausted most of the time, and I am alone with my kids quite often due to his work schedule. Sure, I could get a sitter and get out, but that also means paying the sitter, and I am so cheap that I can't justify to myself to leave my kids and pay a sitter just so I can get a break. But would I ever leave my children and decide not to be a primary custodial parent? NEVER!

In my opinion, we live in a "If it feels good, do it" society. Well guess what, it doesn't always feel good. Life is hard, parenting is hard, balancing work and family doesn't always feel good--one always gets short-changed. So to say "...I have this unique opportunity..." I just can't agree with that. To me, she just plain gave up.

Here's another story I read today. It's about a basketball coach in Texas. She coached a game, gave birth, then returned to coach another game while her baby girl was still in the hospital. http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/High-school-coach-gives-birth-after-winning-playoff-game-030411?GT1=39002

So, am I supposed to applaud her dedication to her team, or should I condemn her for leaving her baby in the hospital and jeopardizing her health to coach? I'm pretty torn on this one. I can't help but feel a bit resentful because my daughter HAD to leave me (she was preemie and was moved hospitals at about 12 hours old) and I didn't get to give birth to my son. But maybe her job is question? Maybe she can do it all? I don't know what to think...

I find it interesting that her team's motto is, "If it's easy, I don't want it."

It seems like in today's world, people only want something if it's easy, and people don't want to work for anything. I can assure you, I've worked for everything I have. It is not easy being a working mom. It's not easy having two distinctly different children with polarizing needs, and it's not easy doing a lot of it on my own (so when husband is home I am totally blessed!). But I want it. I want it all. I want the kids, the husband, the job, all of it. I wouldn't give any of it up, no way, no how. I may not do any of it well, but I am doing the best I can, and hopefully someday my kids will respect that I may not have been perfect, but I was there for just about everything in their lives. I tucked them in at night, I woke them up in the mornings, and I was the best mom I could be. I can't imagine CHOOSING to give those mundane tasks up, because sometimes, they are the best part of my day!

Re-Adoption Day!

And all I have to show for it is this picture I took from my phone because SOMEONE (I'm not naming names...but it wasn't me) didn't check to make sure a card was in the camera (after said person was reminded many times). I gave this person one job this morning... OK, enough of that. But someone else did take a photo from their iphone, but Ty was in rare form, so I'm not sure how it turned out. The formality of the paperwork and talking with the judge did get emotional for us, but we hid it well. We were asked if we still promised to never abandon or abuse our son, and if we promised to love and care for him. And then I had to make a statement about how things are going and Ty's progress. It was amazing to think back about it all.

Here is Kacie and Tyson as we waited at the courthouse.



Today was definitely a day of reflection. 18 months ago, we had tantrums, sleepless nights of me lying on the floor while I rubbed his back in his toddler bed, gorging food issues, no speech (except Mama and No--the toddler staples of any language), learning English, cleft palate repair, grieving, anger...I could go on.

I am not saying it's all cupcakes and smiles now, but wow...it's a 180 degree turn from where we were. Ty is now fully potty trained (except at night...and there have been a few nights of staying dry!) and that has taken so much stress away because he was using it as something he could control. This weekend was the best weekend we've had in 18 months--honestly! We, as a family of 4, went shopping, watched TV, played a board game (and Ty pretended, but he sat with us and participated!), and we were almost *gulp* normal. Now today Ty was back to his usual self, but I think he knew something big was happening too, and if you're going to take a preschooler into a lighting store...well, expect bad behavior! So re-adoption is over, and in about 45 days, Tyson will have his own birth certificate with our names on it as his parents.

We have all been taking turns being sick. Today it's Kacie's turn. Her throat is bright red, and she has nose bleeds. She did tough it out this morning as we bought new lights for our kitchen, made a few other stops, and finished up with a yummy lunch Hibatchi style at Fujiyamas. Here is Kacie and Tyson at Best Buy. And do you see that DVD he is holding? Well, do you also see the mischievous look in his eye? He didn't get to bring that Bob the Builder DVD home because for the first time in ages, he tried to run from us. The good news is that he got over it in about 5 minutes.


As sad as it was that Ty didn't get to bring home Bob the Builder on DVD, it was a great experience as a parent. Why you ask? Because months ago, that tantrum would not have stopped on it's own. Today it stopped in 5 minutes. He got over it!

It was amazing to think that three years ago, I was researching agencies and adoption programs. Three years later, I have the most beautiful boy in the world. Today--re-adoption day--is a happy day, and we are all home just relaxing before we have to get back to reality tomorrow.

Allergic to....

....amoxicillin! He looks terrible, covered in hives head to toe. And of course, Monday is our re-adoption hearing and I was thinking we'd get family pictures done since we are all taking the day off. Nope, not now! I will try to get some pictures soon so maybe other parents will know what to look for. I just thought it was a food allergy...ugh...no. And I didn't realize how common this allergy is!

So now we start a azithro for his sinus infection. Let's hope that works! In the meantime, it's benedryl every 6 hours, and we were told the hives can come and go for two weeks. It's a good thing I have a tough boy! He rarely complains. I've said it before, and I'll say it many times again...He is just amazing! Resilient! OUR SON!

Slacker Mom on a Snow Day

Snow Day! Yep, we got hit in our area, and the roads become very icy. Our region just doesn't have enough plows and trucks to keep the roads safe. So rather than a late start at school...we canceled.

Should be a fun day, and it was! But...husband had to work graveyard shift, so I had to keep the kids quiet. Which is easier? Thirty 6th graders, or a 3 and 9 year old? I think it's the first choice! They played in the snow, and I did a few chores while they played (when they were not pounding on the windows saying, "Mom watch this!")

Then the little popsicles came in, and it was clothes and boots and gloves...wow! Those of you in snowy areas, I don't envy you. It was also hot chocolate all around. So after a Toy Story movie, the troops got antsy, so off we went to a friend's house. This is a friend I teach with, and her daughter and K are in the same class, and she she has a 14 year old son. They also have an awesome backyard with a great hill for sledding, so Ty had his first sledding experience!

And what did I do? Did I get out there with the camera? Nope. The flip to video it? Nope. I sat and had the best cup of tea in the world and relaxed. I was truly Slacker Mom. Sometimes, you just gotta enjoy the tea. Pictures next time!
1

He's content to just "be"

One behavior that has often bothered me about Tyson is that if just Dan and I are home, he will just "be". What I mean is that he won't get toys to play with, he just sort of leans on one of us, climbs on us, takes the tiles out of the table (tile tables in living room), but all in all, he really doesn't do anything, and he's totally content. We aren't the only ones who have noticed this. His preschool teacher pointed this out too. Does he seem busy? Yes! But if you really notice, he isn't doing ANYTHING! And on a night like tonight, I know I should be interacting more, but I just downed a significant amount of Nyquil so I can sleep. I have a severe sore throat, cold, and ear ache, so I'm almost calling it a night at 7:50 on a Saturday. Anyway, we get his toys out--his train set, his cars, books, etc...nope, not interested. With sister not home to bother, he just goes into this weirdness of just being content to just "be".

I told Dan this bothered me, and he agreed. We are wondering if it's from years of just "being" in an orphanage. He isn't really demanding attention, other than when he climbs on us, but he doesn't stay on our laps, he just keeps moving. I'm sure this is setting off red flags for some people, while others will say it's normal behavior.

I just made the stupid mistake of reading age 3-4 milestones. Seriously...why did I do that? I guess I was hoping he was closer to "caught up" than I thought. Some things, yes, he's there. But language, social/emotional...not yet. I know I know...he's doing great, he's doing great. But when it's your kid, you worry. I worry, I can't help it. It just makes me sad, that's all. So much to overcome, and I knew this going in, blah blah blah, but the idea of it vs. the reality of it are two different things. You always think you know how you'll react...but when it's in your face, it's a different ball game.

Anyway, back to the busy doing nothing thing...if you have any insight, I'd love to hear it. And by the way, Thursday was our 18 month Gotcha anniversary! A year and a half...wow! Time flies when you're on this journey!

Here he is in Guangzhou in Aug. 2009.


And although this was taken a few months ago, you can see the difference in physical size. It's amazing!

A trip to the ER for Tyson

I need to make bets on my children and their colds. All I hear and read is, "Just let it go, it must run its course...antibiotics won't help." So I wait it out. And everytime, it ends in a sinus infection, bronchitis, an ear infection, croupe, or even pneumonia. Kacie has had all of the above; Ty has had sinus and ear infections--so far.

Our little man has had a cough for a few weeks, and it turned into a super nasty cold on Sunday. By Wednesday, he was a mess, and by Wed. night, he had his second fever in 18 months, only 100.2, but it's a fever. I had already called for a Thursday doctor's appointment for him because I was convinced it was a sinus infection.

But Wednesday night, something was different. We laid him down to sleep for the night, and about thirty minutes later I hear this gurgling cough--not your normal deep cough. Dan picked him up, and while Ty was leaning on Dan's shoulder, something green oozed involuntarily from his mouth.

"Forget this...we aren't waiting til tomorrow...we're going to the ER now!" My good friend came and stayed with Kacie, and off we went. We arrived at about 10pm, and it was not a good scene: 3 ambulances outside plus a full waiting room. Long story short, we watched some "interesting" characters, and two hours later we got into a room. The doctor ordered a chest x-ray, which came back fine, so no pneumonia Praise God! We followed up with our regular pediatrician, who diagnosed him with a sinus infection. He is coughing non-stop and his nose doesn't quit running...but the fever is down and energy is up!

And here we are, long weekend, everyone home, and Tyson is sick. But if that's my biggest problem, then I've got it pretty good!

Here's Tyson on his battery-powered quad about a week ago.

ABCs and BINGO

He has been practicing his ABCs, and his favorite song right now is BINGO. I wish he would have ended BINGO with his own version. For the last line he sings "And Bingo was a farmer." I hope to catch that soon on video. Enjoy this one for now, this was just tonight.



I must also brag about my daughter. She was voted on by her 4th grade class to be an ASB representative! We are very proud of her.

Here she is, being her silly self!

China special needs, and how I was led there

My blog, my opinion, my story. Here it goes.

On RQ, a site we all know and love in the China adoption community, there have been big discussions/debates about why someone would wait in the non-special needs (nsn) line (the wait is now over 4.5 years). Many people are feeling very upset, and rightfully so. When they logged in their dossiers almost 5 years ago, the wait was less than a year. Emotions are high in the world of nsn, and the wait doesn't look to be getting any shorter. There are many theories on this: less girls being abandoned, less girls paper-ready, domestic adoptions increased, etc...

When God laid China adoption on my heart in the Fall of 1994, I was a college student learning about the one-child only policy in an Anthropology class. I felt a calling to adopt a girl who had been abandoned due to this policy...at least I thought it was a girl since that was what I learned that day. I spent the next 14 years dreaming of adopting from China. In Feb. 2008 when we learned we'd have no more children biologically, I knew our China adoption would become a reality.

I visited our agency in March of 2008, and I was asked if we'd be interested in special needs (sn) adoption, and we said no, not at all. We were told the wait was currently 2 years from LID, but no guarentees for wait times and that when May 2007 rolled around, things would speed up. China changed it's rules in May 2007, so there were less dossiers submitted. So we began the process, and that's when I found RQ. I learned quickly that the wait was 2 years and growing, not staying still.

Through our Hague classes, we learned about cleft lip/palate, heart conditions, Hep B, and other special needs. Little did I know that these were considered "special needs" and both my husband and I said, "We could do that." And when I told him the reality of the wait and how much faster sn would be, we researched it further. At that point, we changed routes.

I often hear, "Wait time should not be a reason to switch to sn" for those who are still waiting for nsn. I ask, "WHY NOT?" I will qualify that though. You have to do your research and be open to parenting a child with a special need. But if the wait time is what makes you explore this journey, what is wrong with that?

Look at this picture and tell me that what I did was wrong. I dare you.


Maybe if the wait wasn't so long I'd have a little nsn girl...but because of the wait, I have Tyson, and I think I have the best son in the world and I can't imagine my life without him. I knew in my heart that I was called was called to adopt from China. What I didn't know is that the story in China had changed. Little girls are still abandoned, yes. But children with special needs who need homes are filling the orphanages because of the one-child only policy too. I had no idea.

So I admit it, the wait led me to explore and ultimately choose to adopt a child with a special need. I don't condemn anyone who is choosing to wait for nsn, that is their choice. But I don't want to be condemned for my choice, which was that I was motivated by the wait time to pursue an sn adoption. No someone shouldn't switch to sn if their heart isn't open to a child with an sn, but if the long wait for nsn is a reason to explore sn, I don't seen anything wrong with that.

That's what I did, and I'm glad because Tyson has been home almost *gulp* 18 months!

Potty Training and the Many Faces of Tyson

Sadly, I've seen this face a lot lately. But today, we made some progress!


Warning: Potty training stuff, sorry if it's gross, but I am doing a happy dance!

Since after Christmas, Tyson has been in underwear. He stays dry, but he has been afraid to poop in the toilet. After months, and even a few successful events, Tyson finally went in and pooped on the toilet by himself today! Only moms will understand this (and maybe some dads too):

Saturday night: He thinks it's funny to poop in the bathtub. Mom does not. Mom cleans the tub and sterilizes bath toys. Mom sternly talks with Ty and tells him that is not OK. Not how I wanted to spend a Saturday night.

Sunday night 5:20pm: Just before it's time to get ready to leave, he poops in the bath again. This time, I bagged up the toys, which included one of his his beloved Lightning McQueen cars, and I told him they were going in the garbage. He asked over and over for it back (I even saw that above face several times)...nope, not happening. Cleaned the tub again and vowed he'd have no more baths.

Monday night 6pm: Goes in bathroom, shuts and locks the door, and proceeds to poop in his underwear, as well as pee on the floor. OK, that is just uncalled for. So I did the unthinkable...I banned Jimmy Neutron. Oh the tears came! He loves his show "Jimmy Neufwon". (He loves that show, and I have a theory that if Ty watches it enough that he too will be a boy genius!) I said, "No way, you are not a big boy and it's a big boy show." And he got a shower, not a bath.

Tuesday around 5pm: I get a phone call from Dan and Tyson. Kacie and I were running errands before piano lessons. Dan puts Ty on the phone: "Mama, I go poo poo in the toilet! You not mad! I get Jimmy Neufwon!" Of course there was a lot of shrieking and words I couldn't understand in between those phrases, but I certainly got the idea. Oh how proud he was!

So tonight I snapped some pictures as we were finishing up his bath/shower. In my moments of prepping a salad for tomorrow (I am not far from the bathroom during this, I assure you), he let out the water, found a bar of soap, and proceeded to create a slip-n-slide (see soapy bathmat and feet picture). He showed me how he could get on all fours and run in place until he fell on the bath mat. Yes, I am doomed.


Don't scold me...how was I to know Dan left his soap low enough for Tyson to grab? I learned that lesson a month ago when he emptied almost an entire small bottle of baby shampoo in the tub. Oh what a clean and good smelling boy he was that day! So I keep the soaps and bottles up high, but when Dan put him in for his shower, he forgot to check I guess.

And so I leave you with the many faces of Tyson!

Word #20: "Orphan"

My daughter is in fourth grade. I admit, I've been slacking in the "study your spelling words" department lately, mostly because she does fairly well. Tonight she showed me her list, and it was a review week. And then I saw that the word "orphan" was a spelling word, and because it's a review week, this word was also on the list earlier in the month.

I am not sure how I feel about this. It's just a word...or is it? Is it a label? When my son is in fourth grade, do I want him having the work "orphan" on a spelling list, only to remind him of his status as an orphan early in his life?

I am sure there are other words on spelling lists that possibly bother other people, and I guess it's my white privilege that I've never noticed words to be offensive, as I do teach sixth grade from the same curriculum. I don't even know what spelling rule it was for (or, ph, or -n endings?), but I would have to think that those making the lists could have come up with a better word.

Or maybe it's because I had a personal epiphany with the word "orphan" a few months back (see http://powellfamilyadoption.blogspot.com/2010/10/prase-i-will-never-say-again-and.html ). Or I just wonder how kids are learning about what this word truly means, and that it's easy to talk about when you don't have a name and a face to put with the word.

I don't know...I just thought it was a strange word for a fourth grade spelling lists.