These moms chose to do what???

So it's been a "stay at home Saturday" for the kids and me. We cleaned up the yard, and Kacie and Ty took some practice swings--don't worry, it's all plastic! Kacie is just working on her batting form, and if Ty is out, we do not use metal bats :)

So here are two stories I read today that have left me thinking, "What the heck?" and scratching my head.

The first story is about moms who choose to leave their children to pursue their own happiness. Here's the link: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/the-opposite-of-a-tiger-mother-leaving-your-children-behind-2460982/ They justify it in many ways, saying "I was there for my kids" blah blah blah. Here's one story:

Ten years ago, when her sons were 5 and 3, Rizzuto received a fellowship to spend six months in Japan, researching a book about the survivors of Hiroshima. Four months in, when her children came to visit, she had an epiphany: She didn't want to be a full-time mother anymore. When she returned to New York, she ended her 20-year marriage and chose not to be her kids' custodial parent.

Now, Rizzuto is an author and a faculty member at Goddard College in Vermont, where she teaches in creative writing. Her boys are teenagers—and, she says, they're fine. In fact, their relationship not only survived her leaving, but "has improved."

"I had to leave my children to find them," she writes in an essay at Salon.com. "In my part-time motherhood, I get concentrated blocks of time when I can be that 1950s mother we idealize who was waiting in an apron with fresh cookies when we got off the school bus and wasn't too busy for anything we needed until we went to bed. I go to every parent-teacher conference; I am there for performances and baseball games."

You had to leave your children to find them? No, you felt better being away from your kids and more fulfilled as career woman, so you chose your career, and you have found a way to justify it by basically saying "When I'm with them, I can give them what they need, and I do attend their functions to show my support." So I would ask her...Who is driving your kids to school everyday, ensuring they do their homework, taking them to practices for performances and games? I'm sorry...you don't get to show up for the good things and say that leaving was a good thing.

Here's another quote from the article from another woman:

"I have been a mother since I was 20," she points out. "I did not have the life a normal 20 year old would have. While I don't regret that, I knew that I now have the opportunity to reconnect with who I might have been then, but with all the tools and skill sets I have learned through motherhood. I have the unique opportunity most women don't get to have, of being able to truly create the life I wish to have, do something in the world that makes a difference, and model this kind of independence for my children."‬

Did I read that right? You leave your kids (she moved 3,000 miles away) to model independence for your children, and I as a reader am supposed to applaud you for "finding yourself"? Now I know we could go in the "Dad" direction and talk about all the dads who choose to parent in this fashion, but that's for another day, another post.

I have been struggling lately with balancing family life and work life. I feel like I do neither very well, and I even told Dan the other night I could just use about 2-3 days to myself to just recharge my batteries. I find that I am exhausted most of the time, and I am alone with my kids quite often due to his work schedule. Sure, I could get a sitter and get out, but that also means paying the sitter, and I am so cheap that I can't justify to myself to leave my kids and pay a sitter just so I can get a break. But would I ever leave my children and decide not to be a primary custodial parent? NEVER!

In my opinion, we live in a "If it feels good, do it" society. Well guess what, it doesn't always feel good. Life is hard, parenting is hard, balancing work and family doesn't always feel good--one always gets short-changed. So to say "...I have this unique opportunity..." I just can't agree with that. To me, she just plain gave up.

Here's another story I read today. It's about a basketball coach in Texas. She coached a game, gave birth, then returned to coach another game while her baby girl was still in the hospital. http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/High-school-coach-gives-birth-after-winning-playoff-game-030411?GT1=39002

So, am I supposed to applaud her dedication to her team, or should I condemn her for leaving her baby in the hospital and jeopardizing her health to coach? I'm pretty torn on this one. I can't help but feel a bit resentful because my daughter HAD to leave me (she was preemie and was moved hospitals at about 12 hours old) and I didn't get to give birth to my son. But maybe her job is question? Maybe she can do it all? I don't know what to think...

I find it interesting that her team's motto is, "If it's easy, I don't want it."

It seems like in today's world, people only want something if it's easy, and people don't want to work for anything. I can assure you, I've worked for everything I have. It is not easy being a working mom. It's not easy having two distinctly different children with polarizing needs, and it's not easy doing a lot of it on my own (so when husband is home I am totally blessed!). But I want it. I want it all. I want the kids, the husband, the job, all of it. I wouldn't give any of it up, no way, no how. I may not do any of it well, but I am doing the best I can, and hopefully someday my kids will respect that I may not have been perfect, but I was there for just about everything in their lives. I tucked them in at night, I woke them up in the mornings, and I was the best mom I could be. I can't imagine CHOOSING to give those mundane tasks up, because sometimes, they are the best part of my day!