China special needs, and how I was led there

My blog, my opinion, my story. Here it goes.

On RQ, a site we all know and love in the China adoption community, there have been big discussions/debates about why someone would wait in the non-special needs (nsn) line (the wait is now over 4.5 years). Many people are feeling very upset, and rightfully so. When they logged in their dossiers almost 5 years ago, the wait was less than a year. Emotions are high in the world of nsn, and the wait doesn't look to be getting any shorter. There are many theories on this: less girls being abandoned, less girls paper-ready, domestic adoptions increased, etc...

When God laid China adoption on my heart in the Fall of 1994, I was a college student learning about the one-child only policy in an Anthropology class. I felt a calling to adopt a girl who had been abandoned due to this policy...at least I thought it was a girl since that was what I learned that day. I spent the next 14 years dreaming of adopting from China. In Feb. 2008 when we learned we'd have no more children biologically, I knew our China adoption would become a reality.

I visited our agency in March of 2008, and I was asked if we'd be interested in special needs (sn) adoption, and we said no, not at all. We were told the wait was currently 2 years from LID, but no guarentees for wait times and that when May 2007 rolled around, things would speed up. China changed it's rules in May 2007, so there were less dossiers submitted. So we began the process, and that's when I found RQ. I learned quickly that the wait was 2 years and growing, not staying still.

Through our Hague classes, we learned about cleft lip/palate, heart conditions, Hep B, and other special needs. Little did I know that these were considered "special needs" and both my husband and I said, "We could do that." And when I told him the reality of the wait and how much faster sn would be, we researched it further. At that point, we changed routes.

I often hear, "Wait time should not be a reason to switch to sn" for those who are still waiting for nsn. I ask, "WHY NOT?" I will qualify that though. You have to do your research and be open to parenting a child with a special need. But if the wait time is what makes you explore this journey, what is wrong with that?

Look at this picture and tell me that what I did was wrong. I dare you.


Maybe if the wait wasn't so long I'd have a little nsn girl...but because of the wait, I have Tyson, and I think I have the best son in the world and I can't imagine my life without him. I knew in my heart that I was called was called to adopt from China. What I didn't know is that the story in China had changed. Little girls are still abandoned, yes. But children with special needs who need homes are filling the orphanages because of the one-child only policy too. I had no idea.

So I admit it, the wait led me to explore and ultimately choose to adopt a child with a special need. I don't condemn anyone who is choosing to wait for nsn, that is their choice. But I don't want to be condemned for my choice, which was that I was motivated by the wait time to pursue an sn adoption. No someone shouldn't switch to sn if their heart isn't open to a child with an sn, but if the long wait for nsn is a reason to explore sn, I don't seen anything wrong with that.

That's what I did, and I'm glad because Tyson has been home almost *gulp* 18 months!