Surgery was a success! (We think...)

We were out of the house by 5:40 am to drive to Seattle for Ty's cleft lip revision/repair. Check in was 8:15, surgery at 9:30. Of course, it didn't quite work that nicely, but I'll spare you the details. And the whole way there Ty said, "I'm hungry. I want to go home. I want my bed." Yep, totally normal for a 5 year old getting ready for surgery I would say! Here is Ty at the hospital waiting area, with his cleft buddy, TEDDY DUNCAN! Teddy Duncan was Ty's constant companion yesterday.

At the hospital as we walked back to the surgery area, he proclaimed to the world, "I AM NOT LAYING DOWN!" That is his patented response each time we go to the doctor. We just shook our head and laughed. Tyson charmed everyone who came into contact with him. At one point he was asked, "Why are you so cute?" and he replied, "Because I was a baby in China!" We all got a good laugh! I also told anyone who would listen that I needed to be in recovery as quickly as possible when he woke up. Everyone was receptive...but I heard that before at another hospital (ahem...Mary Bridge Hosp, that let Ty cry for me for 20 minutes in recovery after hernia surgery).

But when more than one doctor came in, that's when the nerves hit. The anesthesiologist walked in just in time to see him start crying and saying, "Mommy....Mommy I love you!" and hugging my neck tight. She left, and we got Ty calm pretty quickly. When she came back, she had the versed ready to go, which was great because I was going to request it anyway. After about 15 min, they took Ty back to the OR in the wheel chair, and he went compliantly without us. Later I learned about how he entertained everyone in the OR before going off to sleep. I guess he didn't like the pillow. He had to inspect it carefully, ask questions...and remember, this kid is a character anyway...I hope he never touches alcohol.

The surgery was around 2.5 hours, about what we expected. We knew he was having some muscles in his lip moved around so they would be even, and in turn the micro cleft would turn into a scar. When the surgeon came back, he told us he did something that we hadn't talked about, but he figured it would be OK. When Ty's big cleft lip was repaired in China, there was a fistula left, which allowed liquids, sauces, jellies, etc... to escape through his nose. It was really annoying. The surgeon really never got a good look at it during our appointments because Tyson refuses to lay on a bed, and we love our surgeon! He never pushes Ty beyond what is necessary. But this time, Ty was asleep so he got a good look. Evidently, there was a lot of food and junk stuck up in the fistula. They cleaned it out, and then the surgeon decided to FIX IT! We thanked him over and over. This procedure was supposed to happen when Ty has his bone graft in 3ish years. (If you'd like to see what Ty's cleft lip looked like in China, go here)

So I was paged to back to recovery. To my surprise, Tyson was not awake, but they said they wanted him to see me first when he woke up. Talk about responding to a parent's request, WOW! I just asked for after he woke up, but they REALLY went beyond. I did tell them about our Mary Bridge experience, so maybe that was part of it. Well, it was 12:40...and he wasn't budging. We tried to wake him around 1:00. Nope...1:15...nope. This boy was out! Between normal anesthesia and Ty just being tired, he was in a deep sleep. Add the versed, and you have one groggy boy.

So the nurses realized he may not wake for awhile, so we were about to just go back to the zone area where Dan was waiting, and let Ty sleep it off...then he woke up! Finally, at about 1:45. And you know what he wanted then...popsicles! Here he is, post surgery.

The ride home was challenging. He was bleeding out one nostril from where the fistula was repaired. He was also really nauseous. And of course, Friday night I-5 traffic on a holiday weekend. We got home at almost 7pm.

Ty slept great, and he is needing minimal pain meds today. In fact, I just heard a "Thud" and I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was practicing flying. Yep, back to normal...he just can't smile.

I feel like I got the best Christmas gift in the world. I was so worried about Tyson going off to Kindergarten next year and having issues with foods and liquids coming out of his nose and having other kids laugh at him and tease him. That is now no longer a worry. God just removed a huge ache from my heart. And, I didn't think this surgery was going to change his smile that much, but I think it will, and not that it was possible for him to be more adorable, I think he actually will be!

Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Tyson goes for post-surgery appointment Jan. 7th, and my husband will take him. As long as I can keep Ty calm, all should go well. Not sure how that will work out, but I'll try!

A new smile awaits us

This Friday, Tyson will have his first cleft repair/revision. When we brought him home, we noticed the red scar above his lip on his left side. We never gave it much thought and just figured it was a surgery scar. It wasn't until the night before his first cleft appointment (after having him for a month) that I realized his open cleft was on the left, but this mark was on the right. How could it be a surgery scar?

We didn't see any pictures of his open cleft before we adopted him, so when we saw this picture in China, we saw a beautiful boy with expressive eyes, and one wide left unilateral cleft lip. His lip was repaired in China, and all paperwork said it was a unilateral cleft lip.

So what was that little red mark that we didn't see in pictures? Come to find out, it is another cleft! Tyson is actually considered bi-lateral cleft lip. So on Friday, we are repairing the other cleft, which means that red mark will be gone. Here is a pretty good self-portrait that Tyson took of himself from my iPhone so you can see it.

Several people say they don't even notice it, but those are people around us all the time. For others, it's their first big clue that Tyson was born with a cleft lip/palate. It may not seem like a big deal, but you have to put yourself in Tyson's shoes when he's 13. I'm sure he'd like it to not be visible. In addition, he actually asks why we all have a ridge from our nose to our lip, and he doesn't. He wants the surgeon to give him one. That is not something we have ever pointed out; he pointed it out, so obviously, he notices.

In June, the surgeon also said that due to the way that his cleft lip in China was repaired, there really isn't a way to make his lip symmetrical, but they will do the best they can. I am not sure what to expect. I don't think it will be drastic, but it will be different. I will miss his smile, but I'm also excited to see his new one!

As for another surgery--this is #6.
1. Cleft Lip Repair in China
2. Cleft palate repair here, along with ear tubes
3. Ear Tubes reinserted
4. Appendix out (really?)
5. Inguinal Hernia (seriously?)

So yeah, two surgeries not even cleft related! So this will be #6. We would really appreciate prayers for our health this week, specifically for Tyson.

For me, it's crazy because I tell myself it's "just a lip repair" Compared with the others, the only other one I'd consider as minor was the ear tubes reinserted. The surgeon said it's only day surgery, so we will go up and back in one day.

For surgery #5, I actually went by myself with him. But it wasn't until he was in actual surgery for the hernia that I thought, "Wow, my baby boy is under the knife." I got really scared and wished someone was with me. I told my husband, as tough as I may seem (and am), I will never go to a surgery alone again, and not just because of the emotional side. All I can say is imagine Tyson, 3 hours post surgery as I am trying to pick his prescriptions, and HE IS RUNNING through the lobby with a balloon after surgery! Enough said! Someone has to come to keep an eye on him while mom does paperwork! Holy cow, that kid is a machine!

Oh, and after surgery #5 at Mary Bridge (MB was surgeries #4 and 5 since they were not cleft related) another parent told me that Tyson kept calling for me, and they did NOT come get me! Yes, I told them Ty's background, so yeah, I was NOT a happy mom. They were NOT receptive to our attachment issues and needs. Seattle Childrens was great for surgeries #2 and #3, and they'd better keep that up!

So I leave you with a happy picture of my boy. He loves his hot chocolate with whipped cream!

Thanks for the prayers.

Piano Recital: A Tale of Two Siblings

My daughter, now age 11, is in her third year of piano recitals. Before that we did 3 years of dance lessons from age 4-6. We are not new to this, and I've done this routine many times. K is a sporty girl and doesn't like to dress up. And to give you some background, Kacie was a relatively easy child at one end of the spectrum, but she definitely had her strong-willed and stubborn moments too. I say that so that people will understand I've been around the parenting block. More often than not, people (kindly and out of the goodness of their hearts) offer me parenting advice about how to manage Tyson's behaviors, and I just want to scream "I'm not new!"

So back to the recital. Kacie had to wear an "itchy" shirt, dressy pants, and girly shoes that will probably never be worn again. But she did it. She didn't like it, but she did it, as she always has. She's never been one for dressing up, and she'll grumble, but it gets done. Even in the years of dance recitals, she got excited over the costumes and had no problem changing in and out of them, even when they were "itchy" (that she will never grow out of!) So after all this, we go to the piano recital, she plays, she bows, and and we go eat cookies and it's over.

BUT THIS YEAR...OH THIS YEAR...

Meet Tyson, age 5. The boy who has decided shirts fall into two categories: Real and Normal. I kid you not, I can't make this up. He has decided that shirts that have anything silk-screened are "real", and he doesn't like them. Shirts without silk screen are "normal", and he loves them. This eliminates half the shirts in his closet, and I wish I had this knowledge before I went school clothes shopping! And this is also the boy who has worn the same Halloween costume for three years in a row. He hates change! And I realize lots of kids don't like change, I get that...

So just as Kacie had a spectrum of relatively easy all the way to stubborn or strong willed, Tyson also has a spectrum, and his STARTS at stubborn and strong willed. Oh, I'm not joking...if it's just a strong willed day, it's a good day. I can handle strong-willed. But one good thing is that often what he says and what he does are two different things. So here is how we got dressed for the recital:

Me: "OK Tyson, here's your new shirt, let's put it over your head."

Oh, we should just stop right there. Notice the word 'new'. From Day One of adopting Tyson, he has hated new clothes and new shoes. I knew this would be a battle, so I showed him the clothes at the store, and reassured him that the shirt was "normal". I tried to get him in a tie, but he wasn't having it, so I didn't push. OK, we continue...

Tyson: "No, I hate this shirt!" (and shirt goes over the head as he continues to yell).
Me: "OK Tyson, now we put one arm in."
Tyson: "My brain says no. My brain hates this shirt!"
Me: "Ok, one more arm."
Tyson: "I HATE this. I don't love it!" (we get that one a lot, LOL)

And...the shirt is on. He fought every step of the way, but it's on. Now on to the pants, which are a bit too big.

Tyson: "I can't wear these, they are too big!" So he pouts. And with each pant leg more of the same comments as when I put the shirt on him. I fix the pants (Thank God for those elastic things with buttons) and he pouts some more, complains more...but pants are on.

And now...the shoes. OMGosh...these are dress shoes, not his Nikes. Another fit. But I put one on, and after more "I hate these shoes" and "I'm not wearing these shoes", guess what, I have both of them on him.

Success...and we aren't even out the door yet. And that's when I realized I had to write this post.

Maybe there is absolutely no diagnosis needed for Tyson. Maybe he is just stubborn and strong-willed, on a good day. But there are many times he has these quirky behaviors, and I play the "what if" game. Aspergers? Attachment disorder? OCD? ODD? ADHD? Maybe a combo of all of it? Or none of it, who the heck knows...

This I know. I have two children who played in a piano recital. For one child, the success was playing her piece memorized. Whoo Hoo! For the other, it was getting dressed, then actually getting up in front of a group. And was he proud of himself? I don't think I've ever seen him smile so big when he was done! It wasn't about the piece of music. It was about the journey. Most parents will never know what it took for him to get to a place where he could get up in front of a group. But most people also have no idea what I had to go through just to get him in the clothes to get to the recital. And then when he was done playing, keeping him quiet was...impossible. I finally told him he wasn't going to get a cookie, and then the fixation issues hit. Non-stop, I heard, "I want a cookie, will I get a cookie?" So you say then why didn't I remove him? Well, I still had a daughter, who was doing all the right things, waiting to play her piece. I couldn't leave, and I was alone because my husband had to work. I am like a single mom 50% of the time, and it's not exactly a walk in the park.

So when it was over, we had cookies, and finally, I breathed a sigh of relief. He got dressed. He went to church. He got up and played in front of people. We got through the recital, and it's over.

Here they are, and even if they don't have much in common, one thing they do have in common is that they are both pretty darned amazing kids!

Then we went to see Santa at the local Fire Station. Tyson is very concerned that he is not on the nice list. He became totally star-struck with Santa, planting the "Mommy I love you," line on me as soon as he saw Santa because he knew he was about to be beaten at his own game! Santa reminded him to listen to his parents. I LOVE SANTA! (and notice, Ty still will not sit on Santa's lap. Never has...)

I still wouldn't trade him for the world. He's hilarious, snuggly, and making strides and growth all the time. He knows almost all of his capital letters and many lower case, which may not sound like much, but we have worked SO HARD on these! He's also counting more and more...skipping 13 still, but he'll get it. We've been counting the numbers on a calendar, which is helping solidify those numbers 1-30 for sure. He loves to sing, he loves school, and he loves church.

Even with all the challenges, we know we are blessed. I just sometimes wish people would recognize that parenting a child with strong behaviors is exhausting. I wish people could see what I do at home so they'd not look down on me (and Tyson) in public when he has odd behaviors. We do work hard to extinguish negative behaviors, but it seems like when we extinguish one, another one pops up. Will it end? I don't know. All I know, 100%, is that God has a plan. I'm just His vessel. We've been chosen to be a family, and I will not give up.

Even if I have to hear, "I hate this shirt, it's real and I want a normal shirt!" for the next year, (Oh believe me, I stocked up on plain striped shirts on Black Friday...we should be set now.) and I want to pull my hair out and cry, we will be OK.

What's ahead? Surgery and IEP News

Hi--It's been awhile! I update this blog whenever there's news about Tyson, other than the usual...like today when I told him he was too young for a 3DS (nintendo hand-held game system in 3D) and he said, "Fine, I want to go back to China." Mama took deep breaths, then told him we would definitely go back to China to visit someday, and he retorted that we couldn't do that because day is night there and night is day, and if we go to China we would miss sleep. I told him we could sleep on the plane...nope! He quickly stated, "There are no beds on the plane." Anyway...onward and upward!

In one month, Tyson will have a cleft lip repair. When we adopted him, I noticed this red mark coming up from his lip on his right side (looking at it from the left) and figured it was a surgery scar. This is one of his 1,000s of self-portraits.

It wasn't until the night before his first cleft team appointment (after having him for about a month total) I realized...wait a minute! His unilateral cleft was on the left side, but this red mark is on the right! This it not a surgery scar! The surgeon said in fact it was a second cleft. Nothing major, but definitely a small cleft that just didn't split. It's actually part of his lip. So I'm not sure what the surgeon is doing exactly, whether he's removing the cleft mark or lowering it to Tyson's lip, I'm not sure. But it is what is Tyson is having done on the 21st.

I bought Tyson a Cleftline Bear to take to his surgery, and Tyson has affectionately named it "Teddy Duncan" after the pretty girl in the Disney show "Good Luck Charlie". Oh the joys of having an older sister who watches Disney shows! I tried to find a doll of a Chinese (or at least with darker skin) with a cleft, but I couldn't find one, so this was the next best thing, and Tyson was really excited about it. Anyway, here's the bear.

Now on to IEP news... Oh speech therapy, what a tangled web you are! This is going to be hard to make a long story short, but for those who navigate the waters that I do, you'll empathize or learn something new...that's why we blog, right?

Tyson's speech IEP is up in May for his 3 year re-evaluation. At the end of last year we all had concerns about Tyson's cognitive skills and whether or not he had issues with language or cognitive areas, so we planned to do early evaluation in the early part of the school year. Well, you know me...I couldn't wait. So in July 2012 I took him back to our private speech therapist (J) for an evaluation. J had exited him in Sept. 2011, so it had been almost a year since he had private speech, but he continued with therapy at school with his IEP. Basically, as a 5 year old, his scores were now really really low. The details are boring, but I was really concerned.

But here's what happened the day before the evaluation. We got a phone call that Dan's insurance wouldn't cover speech therapy due to so many exlusions! Tyson is now only on Dan's insurance, and it's First Choice in case you need to know. So I called them, they covered the evaluation as an office visit, but after that, they would need to decide if he qualified for coverage. WHAT THE @#$#Q%? I thought my head was going to spin off! Oh but wait, it gets better...

So we find out that yes, Tyson could get speech through J, the therapist BUT...the insurance wouldn't cover it because he was already getting speech therapy at school so they didn't see a need for both. YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! Yep, true story.

So, I talked with his teachers, and we decided to just hold off on testing until the IEP was up in May to ensure that Tyson would get help at school. However, they wanted to see J's evaluation, and I have always shared all information, no problem. So I called the hospital, signed papers, made phone calls....got nowhere.

Last Friday Tyson had a dermatology appointment (Tyson came home from China with mollescum and it never went away), so I conveniently went over to the therapy office and got the evaluation copy. J did a FABULOUS job on the evaluation, and I agreed with everything. I gave the school a copy, as they had been trying to get it as well.

Long story short....the school can use J's evaluation because the scores do qualify Tyson for an IEP in Language. We are going to initiate testing, and because he's 5 we will have cognitive testing done as well. I am soooo relieved that he will go to Kindergarten next year with an IEP!

That has to sound strange to most parents...glad your child qualifies for an IEP? As a teacher, I know that the worst feeling is trying to get extra help and services for a child that is low, but not low enough for services. I know Tyson is right on that line in many areas and is one of the big reasons we didn't start him in Kindergarten this year.

Now I need to brag on my daughter for a moment. She has been playing "school" with Tyson every weekend. She is fabulous with him. She has set up an incentive program with stickers, reads him stories and makes up comprehension questions and records his answers, draws out math problems, and then writes me a report card! It's incredible! She has a gift for sure. Tyson still struggles with learning his letters, but it appears that he has really good number sense! I started noticing this a few months ago.

I will keep you all updated on the surgery and the IEP process. I know how confusing it all is, and when we help each other, it makes it so much better.

I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving! Let the Holiday Season begin!
Jolene

I will love him

Grocery stores have become my worst enemy, when Tyson has to come. He goes crazy, running the aisles, yelling (yes, he's still loud), demanding, and just embarrassing. I leave feeling like "THAT MOM" that everyone stares at in the store.

"Wow, why can't she control her kid?" are the words I hear through the stares and sighs...some people show some compassion in their faces, and for that I am appreciative.

Never again will I judge a parent whose kid is flipping out at the store. Yes, there are those out there who are a mess and shouldn't have kids and don't parent the way they should. I'm not even going to say I'm perfect, and in my last post, I wanted to be a perfect parent. But two Sundays ago I got a word from God through my friend Joshua, who is now a pastor on the East Coast but was home visiting. He reminded me that God doesn't want us to be perfect! OK, phew, good...because we know I am not!

Then I realized, those stares, those expressions...all from Satan trying to bring me down. And do you know what Satan is really good at? Kicking you while you are down. He will kick and punch...anything to keep you away from serving God.

And that's when I realized it. Through Joshua's sermon, I realized the God wants me to SHOW that I love Tyson they way He loves me. I LOVE Tyson, no one will ever dispute that. He's funny, witty, cuddly, outgoing, and he's MY SON! But we as parents know that we have our moments, and my "moments" seem to be when we are in public.

"Spank him! That'll change his behavior!" No it doesn't.

"Don't give in!" I don't, and neither does he. I've never met a more stubborn person than me, other than Tyson.

"You let him get away with too much!" No, I don't. You'd be amazed at the behaviors I have extinguished.

"He'll grow out of it. My kid did. All kids do that." Really? Because ALL kids have a brain like Tysons? All kids have had early traumatizing experiences that I deal with EVERY SINGLE DAY?

So after hearing these comments day in and day out, I had just grown weary. Tired of the battle. Tired of trying to live up to everyone's expectations of what I SHOULD be doing. After not hearing God for quite awhile, He gave me a word: "Show your love to your son as I show my love to you. Be an example of LOVE."

Whoa! Could that work? Could it really work? It's a strategy I hadn't tried! Rather than being that frazzled mom between work and home who is just trying to get her tired and cranky kids through the grocery store without her head blowing off, I could let it go and just love him.

So, I tried it. It was just he and I (which is always easier than having both kids...you'd think an 11 year old girl and 5 year old boy wouldn't fight much...you'd be WRONG!) I relaxed. When he ran off (in sight of course...out of sight does take it to another level), I just waited for him to come back and then I hugged him and talked with him. When he got loud, I gave him a kiss and told him I loved him and he needed to find and use his inside voice. And when he walked up to a stranger (OK, more than one) and said, "Are you a stranger? Are you going to hurt me?" I just shook my head, smiled at the poor confused soul who Tyson had targeted in that aisle, apologized and moved on.

I came out of the store much calmer. Was he perfect? No way! Did people stare? YES! Did I show how much I love my son instead of trying to react the way everyone wants me to? YES! And for that, I felt successful.

What concept...show your love for others just as Christ loves you...it's amazing how that really gives you a sense of peace.

For those of you who know us, you know I'll have my moments, but hopefully I can embrace this new approach and it will have some results. And if it doesn't, I'm still obeying God's word and not allowing Satan to attack me, and that is a good thing too.

When you have one-of-those nights

All kids have their issues, right? All kids go through hard times and even have tantrums and screaming fits, yes? True, all true.

But not all kids have a background like my son.

I had one-of-those nights on Monday. You know, you pick up your son after work just to be called a million names and be told he doesn't love you anymore. Then to get home and have his world melt down to the point that for everyone's sanity, he is sent to his room. Meanwhile, mom (that's me) is trying to calm herself down because she has hit the point of no return too.

And all of this before 5:30 pm. Yep, it's gonna be a long night, I declare.

While he's in his room, I can tell he's going to that dark place. He's screaming and crying, but he doesn't want me. And at the time, I didn't want him either. Sad, but true...I'm strong, but I'm human. So I walk away, again, while he continues his screaming and crying...fixating on the fact that he wants a toy that neither of us can find. Fixating, screaming, on and on, no way to reason with him, he just pushes me away. So I leave...and the yelling and kicking the bed continues.

Later, he's screaming "Mommy! Mommy!" I roll my eyes, do I really want to go running in there like I do every single damn time this happens? All the attachment books say it's the right thing to do, but I am not seeing progress here. So I sit, crying too because I am lost. So. Very. Lost. "Mommy, Mommy come here!" he screams through a raspy voice.

You are told adopting a toddler is going to be hard. Attachment is going to be difficult. What's more difficult for me is thinking we are making progress, only to then take 10 steps back. All of a sudden, my 5 year old is like a 2 year old. And yes, I know all about family age, so really he's acting 3, and his language is still lagging and he may have cognitive issues, ADHD, PTSD...yes, I am well aware.

But just ask anyone who doesn't have a child with this background and they all say, "All kids are like this." Hmmmm...really? Let's remember something; I have parented a bio child. She was challenging, she had her moments, she stomped her feet and told me "No!" and refused to do things. She was stubborn and strong willed, threw fits and tantrums. She was a walk in the park, compared to this.

I don't know what happened during his first few years that wired his brain the way it is. Why does he fixate? Why does he go to that dark place? I can see it in his eyes, and we know when it's coming. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion--you see it happening, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Finally, I go in to his room. His face is puffy, tears streaming. He says, "Mommy, I love you." I did not prompt this, did not ask at all. So then I'm left speechless. Does he really love me, or is he saying this to get out of bed? Did I ever question my daughter's love for me? Not once. Yet here I am, questioning if he really loves me or if he's going through the motions.

This I know: I love him. I love him with all my heart, soul, and every breath. I'd walk through fire for him. And I won't give up.

So I reach down, pick him up, swaddle him in his comforter (remember, he's 5 now), and bring him to the rocking chair, and we rock...and we take deep breaths. I tell him I love him, and he tells me he loves me...I hold him tight, rock him, and slowly, I see him come out from the dark place.

He tells me he's thirsty, and rightfully so after all the screaming, yelling, and crying. We get the water, and soon he's tickling me, and I'm tickling him, laughing and smiling.

It's been 5 days since this last happened, and things have been good since then. These days are few and far between now, but they do still happen. I wish I knew what was going on in his head. I wish I knew how to stop the train wreck that I see coming. I wish I could take all the pain away. I wish, oh how I wish, I could be the perfect, text-book parent. I don't know if I made a huge mistake this time...but I know I'm human, and this time, I just needed to breathe.

All is well now...until next time, and there will be a next time. Until then, life is good, and it will be good.

The Expected and the Unexpected

The Expected and Hoped For news of the summer: Tyson's cleft appointments went great! 1. He passed his hearing test in audiology. 2. The ENT on the team no longer needs to see him. 3. The speech pathologist said articulation is great, with a few areas to work on. 4. Lip surgery when we are ready to fix the other part of the bilateral cleft lip. The Unexpected... The speech pathologist agreed with the school's determination that something more might be going on with Tyson. She said research showed that kids adopted internationally like Ty should be caught up into normal conversation by 2 years. Ty's been home 3 years. So rather than waiting for the school to do language and cognitive testing this fall, I took him to the speech therapist we saw last summer. First of course, we had to have a doctor referral, which was no problem since Tyson had a healthy child visit in early July. So the big day came, and at 8:30 we saw "Teacher Judy" who Tyson remembers fondly because he always got a prize! In 60 minutes she did two evaluations. She agreed that articulation is not a concern at this time (with a cleft child, that is amazing!). His language usage was at the 23rd %ile...low-normal range, but not low enough for speech services. That's where the good news stopped. Then she got into another test, where he scored in the 3rd %ile, and it showed an issue with auditory processing. Tyson was burned out, so we left and came back that afternoon to do another test for auditory processing just to see where he would score--4th %ile. So now we are exploring issues with auditory processing, and the research I've done has helped me find some strategies for daily life. It explains A LOT! We won't give up. We'll keep at it, and hopefully this knowledge will help give us more insight how to best help our little man. Jolene

Family Update--Cleft appointment soon

So what have the Powells been up to? We have been busy busy busy! Kacie played on two fastpitch teams. That kept us busy during the week and weekends. Tyson finished preschool, and he will repeat the same program next year. As for me, I've been running like crazy...literally. In case you aren't on FB, you may not know that I ran my first half marathon last week. Here is a link to my running blog: . Now I am training for a 10K, which is a different kind of running for me, but it should be a fun challenge (I hope!). On Monday, we go for Tyson's yearly cleft appointment at Children's Hospital. Please be praying for no surprises. We expect a surgery...we even maybe expect new ear tubes... we don't know what audiology and speech will look like. It should be interesting. Tyson is doing well overall. He turned 5 on the 22nd, and there's something about a birthday that does remind us that Ty is still behind his peer group, which is why repeating preschool should be a great benefit. He's still demanding, and it's just his personality. I feel sorry for whoever works for him someday...we can hear it already, "Is that report done? Is that report done? I need that report!" He's relentless, yet lovable! I promise, pictures soon! My phone was recently lost, so I lost a lot of pics :( Jolene

IEP Meeting and Preschool Update

Today I attended Tyson's end of the year conference, and it was also time for his IEP update. It went pretty much how I thought it would, but with a twist. His preschool teacher is very concerned about the fact that he can't stay on topic. When he draws pictures and tells "stories" he is all over the place and his stories do not make any sense. He can go from tornadoes to a picnic to racing cars in three sentences and one story. His speech teacher also reports that he doesn't answer questions directly and can't focus on a topic. It isn't like I didn't know this. It is my frustration too. So the twist came when she said they want to re-evaluate him in the fall. To me this is a double edged sword. On one hand, it's good because they are going to take a closer look at language to see if that is a qualifying area. When he was tested 2 years ago, he was still learning English. If he qualifies in language, they could increase his speech time. Good, right? Well, here's the bad part: he could test out of his articulation goals, and if he doesn't qualify in language, he won't get any speech services. His speech has improved a lot, and in isolation, he can slow down and pronounce words. I also asked if they would test him for cognitive disability, and they will do that too. I know he's a sharp little boy: nothing gets past him. But this year, he made very little progress. After daily repetition of numbers and letters, he only knows very few of both and didn't make the progress that his peers made. What's more frustrating is that we work on these skills at home too, and Kacie plays "school" with him. He practices letters on the iPad, uses starfall app, etc... it just doesn't sink in. Could it part of an overall institutional delay? Maybe. Will this extra year of preschool be the answer? We shall see. If it isn't, we may have a long road ahead. And that's OK, we will get through it!

A little update, and a lot of "When I was a baby.."

I don't know where the time goes, but it sure goes by! I am now a runner, and I'm loving it. I've lost 36lbs since August, and although I'm still overweight, I feel great. If you'd like to get an update on my running journey, you can go to It's been a fun blog to write...except when I'm injured, then it's not fun, but usually, it's pretty fun. Kacie is in the "throws" of fast pitch. She's on two teams, and we are always busy doing something!

As for Tyson...a lot of ups and downs, more downs lately. One thing I've learned is that there are just so many variables with my little man, it's hard to tell what exactly is bothering him. He has come to realize that he is not going on to Kindergarten next year, and actually, he says he is OK with that--he hates transition and change. He has been extremely defiant and almost angry. I talked to someone about parenting strategies for kids with ODD, and I'm not saying he has ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) but I needed some advice on what works and what doesn't with kids who are stubborn, defiant, and strong willed (ODD?). Most of it was what I already knew, but wasn't using. Consistency, consistency, consistency! If you say it, mean it! So, we've had some major melt-downs, both at home and in public, but I think he's coming around. I was gone for a few days, and he really missed me. I know he loves me, and he loves to snuggle and read books, loves to be held and rocked...those are good things, so we build on those. Lately, he likes to tell stories of, "When I was a little baby..." and I know he's trying to piece together his past. He is trying to understand how he was a baby in China and why he wasn't with me. Yet he is proud to say, "You can to China for two weeks to get me!" So I know he's dealing with something, and I will be there every step of the way to help him through it. Well, it's late, and I'd love to get some sleep. Thanks for checking in! Jolene

The latest around here...and a prayer request

Well, where to begin...

Tyson continues to just be himself. Loud. Demanding. Sweet. Mischievous. All boy (except for his fascination with pink) and all OURS. One day Kacie said, "Mom, I forget that he's adopted!" I do too, and I never thought I'd say that after that horrible wait and the difficult transition after getting home. That now seems like a big blur, thank goodness.

A few weeks ago we had to put our 12 year old lab to sleep. We got her when I was pregnant with Kacie, so Kacie has never known life without her. It was rough, but we now realize that it was for the best.

We have started a kitchen remodel! The cabinets are ordered, counters are chosen, and we have ordered two new appliances. We weren't going to order a new range, but low and behold, our range died yesterday. This is definitely a remodel on a budget, so no fancy counters or anything like that, but we are certainly happy, as it will be much better than what we have now!

At the current time, I have lost 33 lbs since last August. I'm feeling great! The injury bug bites me all the time, but I just keep going. I still have my other blog going, and if you'd like to check it out, feel free. This link is in light letters below.

Running With Love

We are now in the chaos of fastpitch season. Kacie is on two 10U teams: one rec league team and one tournament team. It's a lot of fun, great families, and fun kids. I am blessed that she has had the opportunity to meet kids from all over our area. First game should be tomorrow, but I have a feeling it will get rained out.

Our area has had a disproportionate number of suicides lately, especially among young people. Tomorrow our staff will be wearing shirts that say "Life is Tough. You are TOUGHER." This will be a large movement in our area to help show people how much they are loved and that there are people who are willing to listen and help.

And to end with a Tyson dilemma...we are debating where to have him go to preschool next year. Although he will be 5 in June (yes, can you believe it?), he is NOT starting kindergarten. He is just not ready. But I have options, and I'm trying to decide what option will be best for all of us. Of course his needs are important, but we are finally at a place where we need to look at all of our needs, not just the needs of one for the rest of us to work around. And like I said, they are options, and they all have pros and cons. So if you wouldn't mind saying a prayer that we can make this decision with a clear mind and that God will show us our path, we'd sure appreciate it.

Have a great week!
J

Help support my TeamLWB half marathon fundraising goal!

Dear Family and Friends,

On June 23rd, I will be running in the Seattle Rock n Roll Half-Marathon. I am running to benefit orphaned children in China on a team for Love Without Boundaries (www.TeamLWB.com). The funds raised by Team LWB in the Seattle Rock n Roll Marathon will go directly to provide life-changing medical care for an orphan in China through the LWB Medical Program. I am commited to running for this important cause and I am asking for your help to make an even greater difference.
There are over a million orphaned children in China, many of them living in institutions. Throughout the orphanage system in China, there are babies who need medical care. Through LWB’s Medical Program, TeamLWB will help provide funding for many types of surgeries and medical care, including:

• Heart surgery • Cleft lip and palate surgery • Colorectal repairs • Tumor and neurological issues • Club foot casting
• General surgeries, such as hernia repair and intestinal issues • Orthopedic care and evaluation • Preemie care

I am running on behalf of a child like Almudena. Almudena is from Tongren in central southern China and was born with cleft lip and palate, which is the same congenital birth defect my son Tyson was born with. Normally an infant will have their cleft lip surgery when they are 4-8 months old, but sweet Almudena had to wait much longer than that. When she was 2-and-a-half she finally had her lip surgery. She loves sharing her beautiful smile! Now, at age 3, Almudena needs to have her cleft palate closed so she can eat more easily and her speech can develop appropriately.

Will you please help me reach my goal of raising $500, which will help sponsor a child like Almudena who needs cleft lip or palate surgery? If you would like to help, you can donate online specifically for me by going to www.TeamLWB.com and click “Donate” under Rock 'n' Roll Seattle Marathon and Half Marathon. Or you may send a check directly to LWB, P.O. Box 25016 Oklahoma City, OK 73125-0016. Please make the check payable to Love Without Boundaries and note my name and Seattle Rock 'n' Roll 2012 on your check.

Thank you for partnering with me to give the priceless gift of hope and healing to a child like Almudena, or even a child like Tyson. Tyson’s cleft lip was repaired in China, but I don’t know who provided Tyson’s surgery. Therefore, this is my opportunity to pay it forward to help orphaned children in China who need medical intervention right now. Your donation will truly change the lives of orphaned children, and I cannot thank you enough for your support!

With great thanks and blessings,


Jolene

Love Without Boundaries is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization and all donations are tax-exempt. In 2011, 152 children received surgery through their medical program. LWB holds Charity Navigator's highest 4-star rating and less than 10% of your donation goes to administrative overhead. For more information about Love Without Boundaries, visit www.lovewithoutboundaries.com.

And it was a Good Friday

Good Friday, 2008.

I had been researching adoption agencies, going through the packets and charts that had been sent to me. My heart was in China, but my husband asked me to keep an open mind to other programs. But after all the research, China was still the fit for us. One agency in particular, Faith International in Tacoma, invited me to come up and meet with them to go through the process.

I was on my way, listening to Christian music, and I don't remember what song came on, but I remember the tears welling up in my eyes, and just feeling God's presence and knowing I was starting something big...something beyond the scope of what I could understand, almost like an out of body experience. I didn't personally know anyone who had completed an international adoption. Sure I had met people, but this was a foreign idea...and somehow, it felt right. God was preparing my heart for sure.

I remember being at the agency, and of course I was inquiring about the non-special needs program, and most likely adopting a girl. I remember being asked if I would consider special needs, and I remember saying, "No way." But I do remember just being really excited about the process and I just couldn't wait to get started. In fact, we set up our first home study visit for less than a week from that day! I had so much to do!

And little did I know, that at about this same time, there was a little boy 10 months of age in China getting ready for a cleft lip surgery...

Well, we all know how the story unfolded, but for those who may not, this is the short story: As we took the Hague classes, we learned about special needs adoption. We had no idea that minor or correctable needs were considered "special needs", and suddenly, our world opened to special needs adoption. Our paperwork was held up A LOT due to Hague rules being implemented, and there were days I'd cry so hard and just want to quit. But God said no. God kept me going.

So I look back to four years ago, and it was the beginning of a life-changing journey. It truly was, A GOOD FRIDAY!

Happy Easter to everyone, and remember Jesus loves you!

What kind of mother am I?

I'm home sick today...not something I do very often. In fact, I can't remember the last time I stayed home sick.

I am on the mend today, but last night was another story. I contemplated coming home before lunch, but I teach 6th grade, and my class is pretty awesome, so I decided to stick it out. I left as soon as the clock hit 3:20, and I hit the bed when I walked in the door. My husband was just waking up because he's working nights, and he had a doctor's appointment that morning. He broke his wrist this week at work, so things are super crazy at home...I have no time to be sick!

But I didn't get a choice. Fever, chills, vomiting, tears...I had all of it. Meanwhile, Dan went to work, so I had two kids in my house ages 10 and 4 without a mommy to take care of them. There was no way I could leave my room.

And guess who stepped up? My daughter. She is A-MA-ZING. She cleaned the living room and kitchen, took care of Tyson, filled the pellet stove, made them something to eat (I have no idea what it was, but they were fed), took care of the dogs, fed the fish, AND put Ty to bed. She did all of this without being told. Her dad just told her to be helpful before he left.

Sometimes I feel like a really crappy mom. I don't do all the cool projects with my kids like I should. I don't always spend the quality time with them like I should. I hate baking, another "mommy" activity that I don't care to do. So I'm purposely trying to find things to do with my kids other than just running them to the next activity. Kacie and I are trying to do a spinning class at the Y once a week, and she is enjoying that. And for Ty, I hope to be taking him to the parks more as the weather gets better and Kacie is at fast pitch practice. My kids are growing up way too fast, and I'm missing it. The "Bad Mom" feeling is setting in.

But last night, I realized I must be doing something right for Kacie to step up and take the responsibility that she did. And Tyson was very worried about me. He kept asking me if I was OK and would rub my back or tell me he loved me.

If neither of the above seem like a big deal, consider this. Kacie used to be the most complacent (a nice way to say "lazy) child ever, and she was very ego-centric. It has been through intentionally teaching her to care for others, and living that way in our home, that she has learned to show others how much she cares through her actions. And for Tyson, two years ago he wouldn't have shown any emotion toward me being sick. He showed signs of attachment issues, and it was disturbing. Now he shows remorse, sympathy, and also cares for others.

So I'm not mother of the year. I let my kids down a lot. I don't do the cool things the stay-at-home moms do. I even *gasp* let them watch TV more than they should. But I also know that I'm a good mom. I am raising children who will love people just as Jesus does. I am raising children who are going to make the world a better place.

Hopefully I'm the kind of mother that my children will someday be proud to call mom.

And they'll forgive me for not doing the cool projects at home.

My little racing correspondent/ear infection update

Want to see what life with Tyson is like ALL-THE-TIME?

Here's a glimpse.


As for the ear infection, I called the ENT on Monday, and she said go ahead and see our local pediatrician. Dan took him, and the pediatrician prescribed ear drops in addition to the antibiotics he was already on. I asked Dan, "Well, what did the doctor say about the tube?" Huh? What? Nothing... I told him that was the main reason for this appt! Grrrrr.... so, I have no idea what is happening with the tube. I guess that the drops should loosen it up and will help it fall out? I don't know, all I know is that out of the three ear infections Ty has had (yes, that's it!) two of them have been the kind that his ear drains the smelliest, grossest smell you can imagine. And a week later, it's still there, but seems to be improving. And also, he feels NO PAIN!

He's a tough little cookie...and full of life and energy, as you can clearly see by the above video. This is Ty all the time, except when he sleeps. And even then...we wonder.

Ear infection--need advice

I'm hoping someone still reads this!

At Ty's June 2011 cleft team appointments, the ENT said one out of two tubes were still in place. I just couldn't remember which one. Friday night I noticed some liquid in Ty's ear, and the stench is enough to make you fall over! I took him to a clinic yesterday since it was a Saturday, and there is a tube stuck in the canal. They can see it and probably could have pulled it out, but the PA didn't want to touch it (can't blame her). She did put Ty on antibiotics for an ear infection.

It's not much of a dilemma, but here it is. The cleft team ENT is in Seattle, 2 to 2.5 hours away. I really don't see the need to fight traffic and take Ty on that long ride just to have the ENT there pull a tube out. So should I:

1. Call the ENT at children's, get advice, and go from there?
2. Call my pediatrician and just have him remove it?

I am thinking option 1, and the ENT there (Dr. Perkins for those familiar with Children's Hospital) said it would be fine for us to get a closer ENT if Ty continued to have ear issues. Personally, I don't call one ear infection a year as having ear problems (He's had 3 infections total--2 last year and one this year). Plus, Ty had a cough and cold last week, so it's obvious he's been fighting off something.

Oh, and don't worry about Ty, he's fine. Worry about me because I'm losing it! He's sooooo loud, feels no pain, and is as ornery as ever! I love my spicy boy!

Thanks!

NEW BLOG, New Journey!

No, it's not an adoption...

But it is China-related.

I am going to jog/run a 1/2 marathon in June to support Love Without Boundaries! My fundraising goal is $500, and my personal goal is to just jog/run the whole marathon. I can do 4 miles now...laugh with me, please! (Prayers wouldn't hurt either). I am full of nerves as you can imagine. I am not a small person, I'm a big person. And big people usually don't try 1/2 marathons.

So this should be interesting, and I hope you'll visit my blog, subscribe there, and follow along! It's still in the beginning phases, but my first post is there. Check it out!

http://www.runningwithlove2012.blogspot.com/

I'm not sure if the www should be there or not, so you might try it without as well.

Thank you, and have a great day!
Blessings!
Jolene

What's new? This, that, and SNOW!

We managed to hit up Home Depot for a building project!


On January 11th, baby girl who is not a baby anymore, got top braces


AND THEN...the snow hit! And it included two snow days! Sunday and Monday we were already home. We did go to school on Tuesday, but Wed. and Thurs. were snow days.


The kids had a ball...I had a migraine, or there would be more pictures.


But wrapping it up with hot chocolate is always great!

Attachment--the difference a year can make!

Before I get into a serious topic, here's a cute picture of Ty as we went for a walk in the rain the other day. We were having "cabin fever", so this was a great outing!



I remember right before 2010 ended being truly afraid Ty had RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). I remember writing long emails to adoptive families, trying to find answers, going as far as finding attachment therapists, but never actually making that call. I just didn't see him as having RAD because there were too many positive things about his attachment. I knew there was light! But if I didn't act now, that light might be gone.

Then I found a term--anxious attachment--which seemed to fit Tyson perfectly, and I should have known this from my early childhood education days (but doesn't it seem like all your education goes out the window when it comes to your own kids? Or maybe it's just me...) He certainly showed signs of high anxiety--crying every time I left him at daycare, wanting to know if I'd ever come back, and at home he clung to me like velcro. I saw this description: Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Style: Worry that others will not reciprocate intimacy. Caused by inconsistent experiences.

Yep, that was my boy. He had been home 1.5 years, but that wasn't long enough to ease the fears of his first 2 years of life. I can't imagine all those nights of crying and no one comes to help, hungry and no one feeds you, lonely and no one loves on you. I can't bare to think about my boy that way.

So in 2011, I vowed that attachment would be my #1 priority, and it was amazing how fast we saw results! I had lost the bedtime rocking and singing part, so I brought it back...he actually reverted back to being a baby. It was text-book--just like you'd read in all the adoption and attachment books. I took him back to being a baby again. The funny thing was I thought I was doing that all along, but not intentionally enough.

Another strategy was plenty of affection and holding time in the mornings when he woke up, and just before leaving him at daycare. We started a new daycare in Sept. 2010, so it was as struggle for quite awhile. About 1.5 months after starting this new strategy, the tears stopped at daycare! We got a strict goodbye routine going as well, and we still do it, and it's been almost a year, but it works!

All went well for quite awhile...then appendix surgery in May came along, and surprisingly, it went well. I think he was glad to be out of pain. But in August, angry Tyson came back, and what great timing...a hernia surgery on September 2nd. I had hoped that this would be the thing to bring that attachment back--nope, the opposite. This time he wasn't in pain, so he didn't understand why he needed the surgery. He was angry at me and at the world. One thing to know is that we had been doing a lot of camping and traveling, and even though we were in our own trailer, I think it was too different for him. So next summer I'll be sure to remember that even though we don't have a rocking chair at night, I can still sing familiar songs and try to recreate that routine.

So I pressed on. School started again, we got back in a new routine, and in about a month's time, he progressed in his attachment to a more healthy style. And I'm glad to say it continues today, but it doesn't mean I let my guard down!

Today I can say that we are going into 2012 with a stronger attachment, and new concerns that maybe someday I'll feel confident about posting. But for now, Ty seems to be doing fabulous. I think his speech is getting clearer, he loves school and daycare, and he is showing more affection to us than ever. Just this morning he said, "Mommy, we need snuggle time." And of course, I jumped at that!

People still try to tell me what "great thing" we did for this little boy. They have no idea...he is the one who has done a great thing for us and has taught me more about understanding children than I ever could imagine. He has made me a better teacher and a better human being.

I know not every child can work through their attachment issues and the issues can be deep, like RAD. But if you are working through attachment issues yourself with your child, please don't give up! Let this be your year to get to know your child in new ways, try new strategies, and see the difference a year can make!

Happy New Year! From Tyson and all of us!

Merry Christmas!

Our Christmases were great! Yes, plural.

Night of Dec. 23rd: Opened gifts at home because Dan had to work 6am to 6pm the 23rd to 26th. Yes, the jail never closes!

Christmas Eve: As always, we went to Dan's mom's house, where we played games, ate a great dinner, and the kids opened gifts.

Christmas Day: I have a small family, so because of Dan's schedule, they usually come to my house. But this year, Dan was working, so we loaded up and drove to my parent's house. We spent the night as well since there was rain and wind predicted, and it's quite the jaunt on a two-lane two-way highway with LOTS of trees.

I hope all my friends in adoption/blog land had a wonderful time with family and friends. Be blessed!