About a month ago I went back to work--I am a teacher. I had been home most of the summer, and about mid August we started taking Tyson to his new daycare after his old one near our house closed.
During those first few weeks, he'd cry--no, scream! And the ladies would tell him, "Mama will come back." So then he started saying and crying "Mama back? Mama back?" questioning whether I would really come back. Then when I'd walk into the daycare he'd yell, "Mama Back! Mama Back!" No longer a question, but an exclamation. Almost like he doubted I'd come back.
This has continued, and it shows no evidence of stopping anytime soon. In fact, when I wake him in the morning, the first thing out his mouth is, "Mama Back?" He is already fixating on whether or not I am coming back for him. He knows I come back, and he gets really excited if daddy can pick him up from preschool because he gets to come home and spend the whole day with daddy. But usually, he is paranoid that I won't come back for him. Then to hear his excitement, almost astonishment, when I do pick him up, it breaks my heart!
Some would say, "He's been with you over a year, shouldn't he know you're his mom?" Yes, he knows I'm his mom. But he was in an orphanage for two years and was abandoned at 2 months. He has issues with abandonment. Probably in his mind, he's wondering if we are going to leave him since he has been left before. No he probably doesn't remember being abandoned, but the way the brain works, he remembers something...something was safe, and then it was taken away. And then the orphanage was safe, and it was taken away. Now we are safe, and he is so happy...and he doesn't want that taken away either.
So I continue to tell him everyday, "Yes, I will come back. Mommy or daddy will always come back. You will live in our house forever because it's Tyson's house too." It breaks my heart that he still doesn't feel fully like he's here to stay.
And so we continue the journey...
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poor little guy. Breaks my heart. He has gone through so much in his short life. Hugs to both of you.
ReplyDeleteAmy
After 4 yrs we still say EVERYDAY...."mama will always come back." I think it is something we will deal with for quite some time. The Lord has given me infinite patience for this (and only this)
ReplyDeleteHow heartbreaking. These little ones have been through so much. I bet it's hard for you to hear, but I'm so glad that he's attached enough that he wants you near.
ReplyDeleteI am tearing up! Wow! Poor Tyson! It is hard for any of us to imagine what he is feeling and it is so sad that our children go through this! Please give Ty a big hug for me!
ReplyDeleteJackie
I think you have it just right. Your words are true " No he probably doesn't remember being abandoned, but the way the brain works, he remembers something...something was safe, and then it was taken away." This is exactly it and what I try to get across to family when they look at me strange if I mention that Ev still has some issues. She's been home 5 years right? She was ONLY a baby right? It's amazing what they remember deep inside themselves. It's a hard thing to face.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing just what he needs, those reminders and assurances in the middle of ordinary days, that's just the ticket.
As they get older, it's like they know something is wrong, but they do not know what. It's hard to watch them struggle and then just kind of give it up, only to know it will come up again. It probably always will. All we can do is just keep saying, "I'm here."
ReplyDeleteKids are resiliant. Ty will be OK.