New beginnings!

It is the beginning of a new school year. Things have settled down considerably in the last few months regarding Tyson and his transition with us, and I'm looking forward to school starting. So much so that it's Saturday night and I'm searching the internet for extra lessons to go with our reading curriculum.

I spent the 07-08 school year trying to conceive and then deciding to adopt. I spent the 08-09 school year waiting for Tyson. I spent last year transitioning Tyson to his new home and family. And here I am. Family complete as far as I can see...Tyson getting better about his attachment issues...and here we are. I can feel myself becoming the teacher I used to be before all this adoption stuff. I still did a good job these last few years, but I am normally more passionate, and I mean intense, about my teaching and students. But these last few years I just haven't had the strength to be my own adoption advocate and the best teacher I can be. Remember I still had a daughter at home too, which was always my first priority until Tyson came. Now they both take turns outranking each other based on the day and situation.

So as I feel this excitement about teaching return, I feel my interest in international adoption waning. That I can handle...but what I don't want is to just become a typical person who doesn't count her blessings everyday. Since going through adoption, I have become softer hearted, more understanding, and just a better human being. God has taught me things about myself I never knew existed. I don't want to lose that. I'm not saying I was selfish and horrible before, but I lacked something...I can't put my finger on it. I know I great closer to God, and I think that could be what I'm afraid of losing too.

I guess I feel like I'm back to entering the world I once knew before adoption...only I've been through adoption now, and I'm wondering if I will view the world the same. It almost feels like time travel...I feel like I left and came back from something, only now I'm different and I don't want to lose the part of me that I gained over the last few years. I see the world differently now. International adoption will always be part of my life, but not in the way that it has consumed me the last 2.5 years.

After I had Kacie, I knew my life would never be the same. She was my first born child. Everyone knows that motherhood is going to change your life. When people have a second child, they know more what to expect...but that wasn't the case for me. So I joined adoption groups, boards, found blogs, anything that would help my Type A personality process all of what I was going through. Now I really feel like I've made it through, and the school year marks a new chapter, a new beginning for me.

Like I told Dan the other night, I'm always working toward something. I can't even look back on my life and find a time where I didn't have a goal or something I was working toward, whether it was graduating from college, getting married, finding my first job, buying a house, getting my Master's Degree, having Kacie, buying another house and moving, new jobs, National Board Certification, facilitating National Board Certification, and then of course...adopting Tyson and his palate surgery and all that goes with adoption in that first year.

So now what do I do? I'm moving forward. Into what capacity, I have no idea. For now, I'm just going to be the best wife and mom that I can be, and be the teacher that my students need me to be for them this year. But I know me too well...I'll figure out something!

Ty starts preschool Tuesday, and Kacie starts (gulp!) 4th grade. And I start a school year where I am so excited and blessed to have a job and work where I do.

So here's to new beginnings!