Dreams, Reality, an Faith

So I have been going through waiting child lists. Of course, I had my ultimate child in mind: 5-7 year old girl with a cleft lip/palate or CHD/heart issue, or maybe even a missing limb. No child seemed just right, so the dream continued. I even thought maybe adopting a boy with cleft Ty's age would be a good move too, so I kept my eyes open for a child fitting that description.

And then I saw her. 5 years old, CHD, cute as a button! I told Dan about her, and sadly, I told him that the reality of adopting again suddenly became just a dream, not a reality. It's funny how something seems doable, then when the opportunity comes, you find that it's just not.

I'm also going through this with buying a car. I woke up yesterday with the realization that I will be commuting to school next year with BOTH kids in the car. I only drive about 8-9 miles one way, but the roads can get very icy in the winter, and I will be leaving before daylight. I don't want another car payment, but I think safety wise I don't have a choice. So I was excited as I started looking at cars, thinking I could handle the payment. I have decided I can either get a base model and buy new or buy something a few years old with bells and whistles. But the closer I came to finding something I really liked and getting the guts to go test drive, the sadder I became thinking about that car payment and rise in insurance and gas money. I will get a new-to-me vehicle before October, but the question is will it be something I like or something out of necessity?

But back to adoption. I have seen multiple lists, and I am in shock of how many older boys are on the list, and how many boys under three year old with cleft lip/palate are still on the list. Lots of people are advocating for kids to be adopted, and I am wondering if this is a direction I should go since I can't adopt myself. You know where my heart would be...toddler boys with cleft lip/palate. I can't help it. These children have stolen my heart!

If you are reading this and considering adoption or cleft lip/palate, i know it's scary at first. And it's scary before you meet your child. And it's scary when they don't talk well, and you wonder if there's a syndrome, and you...and you...and you... but I have to say one thing. I had to get over it and say to myself, "Jolene, this is not about YOU!" In fact, I believe it was the Lord who said this to me. Basically, I had to get over myself and let the Lord be in control.

So just as I had faith that Tyson's adoption would work out, I'm going to have faith that God will lead us to a second adoption if the time is right, and He will lead me to the right car, and best of all, He will just keep leading us!

Please if you would, pray for Tyson. He has his first fever with us. It's 102, and I believe climbing. It was 99.3 earlier, so hopefully it peaks tonight. He is supposed to start swimming lessons on Monday!

Here is Ty this week after pouring bubbles in our fountain. The funny thing is that our city hall has a fountain that people like to put bubbles in, and often the bubbles float down the streets. I like to tell people that Ty is starting small with our fountain and working his way up to the city hall fountain in about 10 years. :)