Do I treat them differently?

The one question I am never asked, and I'm shocked: Do you love them the same amount?

I thought that I would be asked that. I never have. But I am constantly shocked at how people try to compare Ty to other kids his age. A discussion came up on RQ. Someone asked, "Do you treat your bio and adopted kids the same or differently?" Well, it comes down to this:

Kacie was born to us, raised by us, bonded and attached to only us.

Tyson was born in China and was raised by his parents for two months (we assume). He was abandoned, found, and taken to an orphanage to spend the next two years of his life. It is possible that he bonded with his biological parents and his care givers at the orphanage. Then at age 26 months, these strange Americans come to China and bring him "home", a place he's never been, people, sights and sounds he's never seen or heard, a language he can't speak or understand.

Now you tell me...how can I NOT treat them differently?

With Kacie, we have sheltered her. She has always believed that the world is a good place, and she has never had a care in the world. On the other hand, Tyson has many reasons to believe the world is a scary place. The obstacles he's had to deal with and overcome would make most people give up.

There are many things Tyson does that are typically toddler like "No!" and "Mine!". But what some people fail to realize is that he anything but typical. How many people have a start to life like he had, plus a cleft lip and palate on top of that? Not only is that atypical, I think it's amazing.

Are we bonded? Yes. Attached? Not yet. Just last night, Ty had nightmares again. You could say, "Well, even biologically raised kids have nightmares." Yes, true. But I would turn around and say, "But I'm sure that the nightmares my son has run deep from being taken from trusted caregivers not once, but twice." Plus, I don't even want to think of what life in an orphanage was like. Sure, when he's older maybe he won't remember, but those early experiences stay with a person for life.

When I catch myself getting frustrated with him, the fact his speech has plateaued, he still doesn't know his colors, he throws things and hits...I just remember where he came from, and how far he's come, both literally and figuratively.

Some days I think it's more than I can handle. And then I think of Tyson and all the children waiting for families. That's when I remember, I can do this! This has become one of my favorite quotes:

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it, but I'm afraid God would ask me the same question."
-Anonymous

So do I treat my children differently? Absolutely. But is my love for them the same? YES! Of course they are different people, but I don't love Ty more because he's adopted or Kacie more because she's biological. They are my children, and my love is unconditional for them both.