He has special needs?

This is a common question we get. "How did you get a boy from China?" Fair question...very fair question. I can't help but smile because I know where this is going. My answer is usually something like this, "Well, Tyson was adopted through the special needs program." Then there's a pause...then something like this is said: "He has special needs?" And I just smile, and I go on to talk about Tyson's cleft lip and palate.

And sometimes the other person says, "Cleft lip and palate is special need?" And so I explain the physiology of the cleft, the surgeries he will need, and the effect on speech. I also talk about the numerous dr. appts, etc...And then people often say, "But there's nothing else?" "Not that we know of, " I reply. And then they look at Tyson, and just say, "Wow!" and usually they go on to say that they never considered clefting as a special need.

In ways, don't we all have special needs? I think that is one of the biggest things I have learned through this process. I remember way back in my sp. ed course work in college, which I didn't see relevance in back then, learning that any child or person with a special need is a person first! I learned more in that class than all of my others combined. That one lesson is the one that has stuck with me my whole teaching career and how I look at and deal with people. And with Tyson, I see Tyson. I see a beautiful little boy who never stops talking, boundless energy, and into everything. Dan made the comment tonight, "We are so lucky he's not an octopus because I can't imagine how many things he could fit in his hands and arms!"

Here's another one I like, and it's been a lot more lately. Tyson's palate surgery is December 8th. I am going back to work, but only for three weeks, then I'm off for the surgery. So I say, "I'll be back to teaching for three weeks, then I have to be off again for Tyson's surgery." Then the person says, "Surgery? Why does he need surgery?" I reply, "He still has a cleft palate." People don't even realize Tyson has an open palate. Others didn't even know he had this special need! Some people think cleft lip and palate is only a cleft lip because that is what they see.

Dan and I both agree: it might say on paper that Tyson has special needs, but special needs does not define our son. We both see Tyson for the person he is, who just happens to have a cleft lip/palate. For people who know he has the cleft palate, it is something they may or may not think about. But once you meet Tyson, you forget all about it.

However, I think it is an important need to educate people about cleft lip and palate. It is a facial deformity, and in our superficial society, people tend to look at people with an unrepaired cleft lip as ugly, scary, etc... This was true the first time Kacie saw a picture of a child with unrepaired cleft lip. Kacie said, "Oh, what is wrong with him?" I educated her, and I said, "Look at his eyes, aren't they beautiful?" And the more she looked at pictures, the more she wanted to see more pictures because that was her way of identifying with her new brother, even though Ty's lip was repaired. She has learned that God creates us all differently, and we need to celebrate and appreciate those differences.

With that said, clefting is a need that needs to be repaired, not only for the self-esteem of appearance, but the formation of speech and eating issues. No, it's not so much fun when Ty loses a noodle out of his nose, but it is what is. We clean it and move on. That's it. But I cannot imagine that happening as a school aged child, teen, or adult. Yet all over the world, people deal with this because there is no way to afford the surgeries that are needed.

We are also asked why we chose cleft lip/palate as a special need for us. I'm not going to say it was an easy decision. One day, I'd say yes, the next day I'd say no way. But after turning down a referral, I knew clearly this was a correctable need that I could help a child overcome. As a teacher, I can help with the speech side of things and I understand the early intervention process. Cleft lip/palate is not, I repeat, NOT a minor need. Ty will need surgeries for a lot of things: palate repair and tubes in his ears, gumline repair, nose and lip reconstruction, jaw reconstruction, etc...and that's if all goes well. But it is a correctable need.

But here's what it comes down to. Tyson's birth parents, for whatever reason, had to make the heart-breaking decision to allow someone else to parent him. God chose us to be Tyson's parents. And so we are...and oh yeah, he's going to need some surgeries,... OK, we can do that. But when he's not having surgery, he's bugging his big sister while she talks on the phone, and he wrestles with his daddy, and he loves on his mommy, and he eats like horse, and he plays like a child should play. I was talking with my friend the other day about Ty and his personality, and I couldn't come up with the words. Finally she said it best..."He's Ty Ty."

Yes he is, he's Ty Ty. Our Ty Ty, that God blessed us with the privilege of raising as our son. So how did we get a boy from China? We opened our hearts and minds to the possibility of adopting a boy with special needs, something many people are not open to. And when we opened our hearts, God filled our home with more laughter and excitement than we could have ever dreamed. I know not every adoption works out this way, and we have a long ways to go; but for now, I cannot imagine my life without Tyson in it. He has special needs, sure, and we'll deal with them when we need to. In the meantime, he's just Ty Ty, a little boy who came half way around the world to live with a family who will love him through all life's twists and turns.